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Monday, December 10, 2012

Stop Fertilizing a Dead Tree

Over time the statement "Don't or Stop fertilizing a dead tree." has come  to have great meaning. How many of you are in relationships that are simply dead.  However, you keep putting time, money and love into these dead relationships or what I call dead trees.  If you knew someone who had cultivated a beautiful garden but kept buying and placing expensive fertilizer on a dead tree, you would consider them crazy.  Well our lives are no different.  I think that now that I am fast approaching fifty, I realize that I have far less time to do foolish things or waste precious time. When I was  twenty something, there was enough time because I was young enough to waste time and to recover from foolish decisions.  I just don't feel this way any longer.  I  want every day to count and it is important that every day and every decision count.  How many of us have cultivated beautiful gardens and are wasting time on weeds or dead trees?  Many of us are very successful in many aspects of our lives; be it frendships, careers, finances, community or family.  However,we choose to keep our focus on that one relationship  in  our lives that is simply dead. We go back to that person and find  out what we already knew.....there is no relationship, things don't gel, we are on different pages, our priorities are different, finances are an issue, the person is selfish, or that there just is not enough room for me in that person's life.  It can also be that we stay in a dead relationship  because it is familiar, we are comfortable, we fear being alone, we think that there is no one better, or we don't want to hurt someone.  Well,  I am here to tell you to put all of the excuses aside.  Strive for true love and happiness.  Don't waste time on dead relationships. The time that you spend with a "dead tree", talking to a dead tree, loving a dead tree, hoping for a dead tree to sprout new leaves is simply wasted time.  Don't do this! Spend your time on people or things that have life and that will potentially grow fruit.  Leave the weeds and dead trees alone.  Next time you are with someone, ask yourself the question, "Is this a dead tree on which I am putting expensive fertilizer?"  If the answer is yes, get  up and leave, hang up the phone, say no to another date and say yes to something or someone different.  I think that I will start the I am done fertilizing dead trees! Facebook page. Take my advice dead trees are DEAD.  They never come back to life.

Friday, November 30, 2012


I spent Thanksgiving with my older sister, her grandchildren, my daughter Chandler and two close long time family frends.  While I miss not having my eldest daughter at home, we really had a great time.  With finances being as they are, we really had to spend wisely and stretch the mighty dollar far. But even with the bad economy there was such joy this year.  God has a way of really making us focus on what is important in our lives.  For the first time in a long time, I did not have the money to shadow the holiday with unnecessary things.  It was the attitude of "make do" with and appreciating the little we had. It was understanding the abundance in a day spent with the people who mean the most.  I think that maybe the financial hardships that many of us experienced was a way for us to refocus on what is really important.  It was also a way for us to get rid of the clutter that we accumulated in our lives during the times of prosperity. I now have greater appreciation for the simple things that bring joy.  This Thanksgiving was great!  I felt closer to my family and friends.  I know that we are far better people for the things that we had to endure this past year.  I know who are my true friends and especially who are those will be there through thick and thin.  I KNOW what it means to have faith in God and the direction that He has for my life. I truly know what it mean to be thankful for every blessing that God  has bestowed upon my family, children, friends and me.  Thank you God for teaching me to be greatful and humble for all things big and small.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

God is Love

        I cannot tell you how often we hear that God is Love but what I am finding is that a lot of professed Christians really do not know what these words truly mean. I was listening to the news today and heard a report about a guy running for political office, Richard Mourdock, who declared that if  a woman gets pregnant as a result of a rape, that God meant for it to happen.  The other statement that I hear often is that God hates gay people or God does not love gay people.   PLEASE STOP IT!  These statements have nothing to do with THE LOVE OF GOD.  God's love is profound.  It is beyond measure and comprehension.  I will try to explain.  John 3:16 KJV -  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish,but have everlasting life. This explains it all and it is real simple. God loves the world!  The Bible does not say God loves the world of perfect people, the world of straight people, the world once you get your act together, the world of sober people, the world of Christians, the world of nice people, or the world of rich people.  God loved the people of  the world just as they were and as they are now. It is only Satan who leads people to believe the mess that other people try to throw on the wall of God and make it stick.  God is very simple in terms of love. He is not the author of anything that is confusing. God is truly about loving ALL people just as they are.  His grace allows us to be able to go to Him with all of our mess and imperfections and He loves us just the same.  God does not even require you to change in any way to come to Him.  It is only through the study of His word  and a desire to follow His words that we will evolve and change.
       Do not confuse the works of Satan with the acts of God.  There is evil in this world.  Spiritual warfare is a reality.  There has always been and will always be battles between good and evil.  What happens in our lives is not different than what happened in the life of Job.  Always remember how and why evil came in to Job's life.  Job 1:1 KJV of the Bible states, There was a man in the land of UZ, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.  In other words, Job was a good and decent man who shunned evil. Job1:6-12 makes it very clear that Satan is the author of the evil that happens in our lives.  It states, Now there was a day when the sons of God come to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them. And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth and from  walking up and down it. And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God , and escheweth evil?  The Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?  Hast not thou made a hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hand, an his substance is increased in the land.  But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.  And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand.  So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.  It is very clear that God allowed SATAN's power to rule  in Job's life.  God did not cause any evil.  Just as in Job's life, Satan causes the ills and evils that exist in our lives. God does not create evil.  Job completely understood the power of God and that no matter what happened in his life, he  knew God loved him and was NOT the cause of his grief and despair.
     A woman being raped is not an act of God.  It is the evil of Satan.  Judging a man and casting a sentence on his or her  life is an act of evil.  God gave each one of us FREE WILL and this was not by accident.  God want each of  us to choose HIM freely. It must be of our own will that we invite Him into our lives. He wants us just as we are...sins, imperfections and all.  We must understand how Satan works in the world  and how he blinds us to Gods love, grace and mercy.  As Christians, we must lead people to Christ with understanding, forgiveness, kindness and love.  We must be aware of the pitfalls and traps that Satan places before us.  If we let God's love for us become the type of love that we have for others, grace and mercy will always guide us toward  the right answers in this life.

Huffingtonpost - Richard Mourdock

Richard Mourdock's rape remarks

Friday, September 7, 2012

Mature Love

No matter your political preference what resonates is the love that this couple share for one another.  I actually cried when I saw this embrace.  Real or imagined via this picture, this is the type of love that we all dream of having.
I am a little older now and what I once considered ideal love, I have found not to be so  ideal.  I have an older  sister and have posed the question to her, "What is really important for you to have in a man at age 60?" What I do know is that my thoughts have changed over the years. Let me see if I can recap by age.
Twenties:  College educated, good looking and a job. I can remember that a good looking man with a job was a catch.  In my twenties, I was thinking about starting  to have children  so great genes were important because God forbid  that I would have an ugly baby and a job meant that we could pull together to buy the things that we wanted and could have a social life.  Basically we both are broke.
Thirties: College educated, ok looking and a career. Hey, baby making was done.  Genes weren't as important.  A career meant that we could start empire building and acquire bigger and better things. Meaningful conversations  and family became more important.
Forties: Where I am now, Smart, financially savvy, and healthy.  Big difference now.  This is where maturity starts to kick-in.  I know now that a degree does not make a person.  I have learned that there are many millionaires that are successful without a college degree. Having someone who is intelligent is far better than just looking for someone with a college degree.  Finances are important.  It is more prudent that a person knows how to effectively manage money and is able to plan for retirement.  I know a lot of financially corrupt  and bankrupt millionaires who lost fortunes and will have to be on a job while on their death beds. Having someone who is healthy and in shape is more important than just being good looking. When you are thinking about traveling and enjoying a retirement, it will be a bummer not to be able to enjoy life because of health issues.  Being healthy also means that a fulfilling sex  life is possible.  Any forty year old woman will tell you that she is in her sexual prime and sex is important.  At forty all of the sexual hang-ups seem to disappear.
I believe that mature love  begins when we are in our forties.  Life experiences have taught us what is important.  We have learned that we cannot fight every battle.  We are self assure and we understand who we are and have determined our core values.  Pure and mature love is possible.  Our old love has grown or new love is found.  I am not sure what the Fifties will bring but I know that I want what I feel when I look at the picture above of Obamas.

Here are two links to books that have helped me to mature:

His Needs Her Needs

5 Love Languages

Monday, August 20, 2012

Raising Girls to Be Strong Women

The life of a parent is not easy.  When our children are born they do not come with instruction manuals that tell us what we should do daily to ensure that the end result of our parenting is well adjusted, productive people.  I have at times sat sad and confused about how to parent my daughters.  However, I can proudly admit that no matter how any mistakes that I have made along the way, I have pretty great kids.  I truly thank God every day for this reality.  I know what it means when someone says that there is power in a mother's prayers.  My advice is that when you are confused, pray even harder.  By no means are my girls angels but they are great people and while I did not have an instruction manual here are some things that worked for me especially as a single mother.

1. Talk honestly and openly with your children but remember your discussions should be age appropriate.

2. Get your children involved in your community, church and/or sports.

3. Discipline your children as appropriate.  Some children respond better to timeouts or stern admonishment.  Some children you may have to spank.  Learn which approach works best  with your child.

4. It takes a village to raise a child.  Group parenting with close friends that you respect and trust works well.  Others sometime can get through to your children when you cannot.  And yes...they will sometime just reinforce what you have been saying all along.

5.  Be respectful to your children.  It is ok to say please and thank you to them.

6.  Remember always that you are their parent and not their friend.

7.  There is never a compromise when it come to right or wrong, legal or illegal.

8.  What you do and what you say count.  Your children are always watching and are little "mini me's".

9. Don't be afraid to set high standard and goals for your children and provide structure.

10. Spend one on one time with your children in their room. Talk with them for 30 minutes to one hour in their rooms.  Observe the contents of their room.  Ask questions about anything in their rooms that peeks your interest. Openly discuss anything in their room that causes you concern.  Remember...while you respect them, you are not their friend and they have no privacy that is not earned in your home. Trust equates to privacy. Distrust equates to no privacy.

Bonus: Both parents are important.  Children need their mother and father.  Don't be afraid to get a Godmother or Godfather for your children if the other parent is irresponsible.  Having both  sexes involved in the raring of a child adds dimension and perspective to a child's life.  Put aside differences when possible for the sake of your child.  Don't be afraid to ask for support from friends.

Click on link for a great book!


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Food, Food and More Food

I don't know about you but I just simply love food!  I love all types of food.  I feel like Bubba Gump when I talk about food.  I love fried food, baked food, grilled food, spicy food, seafood, Mexican food,Chinese food, Korean food, Japanese food, Italian food, Soul food, Cajun food, Greek food, Jamaican Food and Fast food.  Did I tell you that I love food.  What is it about a great meal?  For me, it just simply satisfies some deep carnal need.  It also sets the mood.  Yeah, you know what I mean...(he, he, he).  Food is one of those best loved things in this life.  It provides life and happiness.  So today I salute food.  I'll worry about the calories and the weight later.  Today join me in a Food Celebration.  Treat yourself to something decadent!  Something that you have not eaten in a long time.  For me, I indulged in a Peter Brooke chocolate fountain. I had chocolate covered strawberries, pretzels, bananas, marshmallows, and ice cream.  So, whose in?